Welcome to my site! I thought I’d share a few things with you that illustrate my journey, and that I hope will shed light on how my perspective can impact your life.
Why I turned towards a healing path
I started on a healing path at a very young age by anyone’s standards. My therapist in high school, who had me acting out my innermost feelings with figurines in a sand tray, made more sense to me than anyone else in my life had before. The other paradigms I had been shown left me feeling confused, because outer life seemed so disconnected from the inner. From what I could see, people weren’t really talking, and people weren’t really listening to each other. Intimacy was not present. Life felt formulaic, cold. I knew their had to be a better way. I turned down a scholarship to a prestigious university and dedicated the next several years to an intentional inward journey, searching for meaning and depth and a way of viewing my life that would hopefully put my heart at ease.
Depression for me was sometimes debilitating as I struggled to shrug off accepted paradigms and build a life better suited to my true self. Healing mentors who had walked the path before me became extremely important figures for me. I started to see with their help that I was wired very differently and was acutely sensitive to many things like energies, unspoken feelings in others, other dimensions, and other beings. Until I started to understand these things and work with them, they mainly just resulted in a heap of confusing and difficult feelings that destabilized me.
I started to shrug off messages from the culture about what “normal” looks like, because I could see that “normal” didn’t mean whole, and whole was more the frequency that my being resonates to and wants to promote. I started to realize that I was gifted in my ability to differentiate between states of wholeness and ego in myself and others, and that I had an intensely deep intention for healing and wholeness at a soul level that was rare, unique, and quite beautiful. What a gift it was and what a relief it was, to meet and know my real self, and to give up the struggle to adapt to a broken paradigm.
Training – new consciousness
During these years I attended a small Lomi Lomi school on the big island of Hawai’i, as well as the Barbara Brennan School of Healing, a four-year comprehensive program that trains professional healers. And, perhaps more influential was my time in Peru over the course of six years. I joined a group of shamans (the Altomisayoks, ‘priests of light’) in ceremony and pilgrimage in the high Andes outside Cusco. The practices of connecting with other beings, elements, weather, and merging consciousness with these other life forms, completely changed my chemistry and opened me to a whole other realm of consciousness. I now communicate with, merge with, and use the healing power of other beings with healing intentions in my sessions and in my personal meditations. I also was given the gift of seeing my self, my growth, and the growth and depth of others in a larger context of life, as part of an evolving humanity with love as its core intention. I now feel that transmuting my own pain and that of others, and becoming more aligned to wholeness, is a gift to life and is needed…it is nothing less than that.
Integrating new consciousness into personal life
Despite the strength and integrity of my awakened perspective, it proved difficult for me to translate my newfound awareness into personal manifestations of life, like money, work, partnership, friendship. The next stage in my journey involved letting go of old paradigms of what the “spiritual healer” looks like, as I realized I wanted a fulfilling personal life as well as the capacity to channel healing energies (two things which historically didn’t go together…think monk chanting in temple, shaman on mountaintop, yogi on mountaintop, far away, untouchable…you get the picture!)
For me personally, the pull towards spiritual partnership was especially strong, yet I kept attracting what I call partial connections, where some or many aspects felt right but the rest didn’t make sense or was abusive in some way. I withdrew out of frustration that things weren’t going well. Why wasn’t my wholeness perspective coming through as loving, whole relationship? I see now that although I had developed a way of viewing life that was connected with Spirit, I hadn’t yet developed enough personality, personal style and preference, and self esteem to back it up. I couldn’t stand up for myself fully, and when difficulties came up I blamed myself, going deeper into the parts of me that remained in a negative self image. Hard breakups and miscommunications were the result.
How I’ve learned to do it better
As I’ve continued on my path, I have learned to value myself and speak my mind more fully, and to assert that it is possible be both serious and happy, both sensitive and strong. Better relationships and friendships have found me that are more supportive, fun, and safe, as I’ve gained in personal strength. I’ve found through experience that you can’t attract the right people until you have
A. a deeply rooted sense of your own nature, and
B. a generally good feeling about who you are, and
C. a clear sense in your nervous system of what you want your experience in love to feel like, forgetting set pictures and opening to what will actually nourish you instead.
When people come to me now in the depths of their pain and confusion, I can say that I know the territory. I also know that each person’s pathway to authentic, self-supportive living, is unique and complex. It is a journey that I deeply enjoy taking with others. It can be hard to find the first step, which is why I take a very personalized approach with each client. Whether it is relief from depression, or a desire for more wholeness in relationships that you desire, I never make suggestions to people from a “this works for everyone” standpoint. Instead I listen to you, and help you to create a trajectory forward. Working with people who have these issues and who want to move forward, is a great joy and inspiration for me. I look forward to working with you!