Have you noticed that the farther you walk on the path, the more individuated your preferences, needs, and desires become? A beloved mentor of mine talks about this often, that the more you become who you are, the more unique your path looks. Your choices may not always make sense to or please others, and that is ok!
A client of mine and I were talking recently about this phenomenon. She is starting to step more into her power, her gifts, and her sense of purpose, and she noticed that some of her friendships are starting to feel heavy and burdening. She is becoming aware of ways that she gives too much out of wanting a sense of comraderie or closeness. She can feel that some of her old friendships do not feed her in a real way anymore. This is totally normal on a growth path! As she becomes more purposeful on her own trajectory, her need for energies that are as catalyzed, forward-moving, and purposeful as hers are becoming more necessary!
She is now in the process of distancing from some friendships, and there is a bit of backlash as the other people react to her taking a stand for her own needs, her own desires, and ultimately her own destiny.
I have been on the sidelines cheerleading this process, because I know it myself. There comes a time when you realize you can’t keep living for others; you have to start caring more about yourself if you want to realize your potential. So what if you look like a freakazoid to your old peer group? If you’re on track with yourself, judgements and criticisms from others can roll right of your back. Typically it is those who do not feel lit up, turned on, and forward moving in their own lives who will comment on your choices negatively. Those who are also living with purpose and momentum will give you a high five and feel inspired by you!
You might want to start asking yourself, what would my life look like if I listened to my own unique truth?
Instead of choosing fear and self-doubt, can you start to imagine yourself at the next phase of your growth? What would it feel like to be there already?
There are tests of courage that come along the way in life to lead you towards greater fulfillment through the lens of your individual needs and preferences. Sometimes these tests come in the form of someone pushing your boundaries, or pulling at you in some way. Sometimes these tests come in the form of new opportunities. Whatever the delivery, it is life/the universe/Spirit putting the ball in your court. It is up to you how you want to play.
When you face a choice to expand into the new by standing up for yourself, setting a boundary, saying ‘no’ to a negative person, or saying ‘yes’ to a new opportunity, I recommend giving yourself time and space to really feel what will work for you. This can help offset the tendency to contract towards the old way of being, or to make rushed decisions out of pressure. When you give yourself some breathing room and challenge the voices of fear and worry, your inner voice of truth will start to come forward.
If you are over-attached to the flow of others, you may have to practice disengaging with others’ demands and desires for you, in order to create more space to hear yourself. At first you may feel a little insecure about taking a stand for what you need and want, yet over time you will grow stronger and stronger in your own authenticity and people will start get used to you not being a pushover anymore.
And the more you trust your own intuition and guidance and follow it, the more ease you’ll experience in finding the people who add to your life naturally. As you leave behind modes of pressuring yourself, disliking yourself, and not believing in yourself, others will feel and resonate with that shift in you. You’ll start to naturally connect with people who have the ability to see you, meet you, and help you move forward in life. You won’t resonate with people who aren’t good for you anymore!
One thing I like to recommend to start the process of growing in your sense of self and purpose is to start with just one minute of attuning to yourself per day. That means: pause, feel into yourself (your body, your heart) and ask yourself, how do I feel right now? What do I need?
This starts the process of feeling your authentic self and starting to create a life that works for you. It’s that simple! Yet we tend to forget to tune in with ourselves, especially when there is pressure from someone else. And when we forget to do that, life starts to feel like it is happening to us rather than happening for us. Instead, the attunement process gets you into the driver’s seat, so that where you are steering is good for you, leads you to fulfillment, and feels right to your being. If you can do this, life becomes more fun, more of an adventure, and you will have nothing left to be resentful about.